Ironic that I thought of one of my most memorable patients on Nurses Day? Maybe, maybe not, but there he was, just the same.
It’s been 30 years since I looked after Paul in Vancouver. He was in his early 40s, if I’m not mistaken, and he loved life. Everything about it. Including driving in his convertible with the top down, something that precipitated the skin cancer that would eventually metastasize and take his life.
Paul is one of about six patients that I carry with me everywhere I go. Each a real person. Each a treasured soul. Every one of them touching the lives of everyone they met.
And tonight I wept. Because every year or two, one of my six creeps back in through the walls I’ve painstakingly constructed. They come to break those down and remind me that I’m human. Sometimes, it’s not just my six, but all of them. The numbers countless; the stories heart wrenching. On those days, I’m worthless.
Too dramatic for you? Then you’re not a nurse. And as much as you pretend to empathize or honor those who are, you have no earthly idea. You can’t. Nor do you want to.
And so, my tears fell today, not just for Paul, but for the many scared, exhausted, and disheartened nurses on the frontlines who will carry untold numbers of souls with them through their remaining days. Because laypeople hear stories about final words, and Skyping goodbyes, and the acts of heroes, but they’ll never comprehend.
I feel for each and every one of my peeps during this horrendous health crisis, knowing that years from now they’ll be sobbing for more Pauls than I saw in my entire career. That as many times as they’ll try to numb the emotions and dampen it down to survive, it won’t completely work. Each face of each victim will come back, as will the faces of protestors. The naysayers. Those who have turned this into a political issue, instead of the health crisis that it is.
Sure, they’re heroes, but they’re first and foremost people. They have hearts and souls and feelings and limits, and I ache knowing how they’re being pushed to meet those with each death and each show of denial.
Paul will come back again after today. He always does. Him and all of the others. And I’ll welcome him as I always do. And I’ll feel bad that I couldn’t have done more. And I’ll wonder how is wife and kids are doing. And again, I’ll weep.
My profession is suffering right now, and they need our support. Not pot banging and hand clapping, but true support. They need us to stand up and say, “We’re going to do our best to put an end to this for you, because we get that it’s unbearable. None of you are caring in vain.”
I pray for my colleagues, and their families, because what they’re seeing right now is irreparable. Time does not heal wounds like these. It simply adds on layers of salve in hopes that they become more bearable.
Yes, Happy Nurses Day indeed. Some of us understand what you’re going through, right down to our very core. And we will hold each of you in our hearts during this trying time and always. You will never be weeping alone.
She’s Frankie! Well, she’s the real artist behind Frankie, Lily Tomlin’s lovable character on the popular Netflix series, Grace and Frankie. And what an artist she is!
Nancy Rosen has been making art for as long as she can remember, her journey starting after she followed a childhood friend to art class. Her teacher at the time, Mrs. Forecast (best name ever, by the way), lived down the block, where she had a little store front. Now Nancy has a store front of her own.
“It’s always what I’ve done,” she says.
She explored a lot of different creative pursuits: jewelry, macramé, strung beads, silver smithing, leather making. And she started her own business, Nancy Cohn Painted Fabric.
“After I got out of art school, I was this snotty little artist, and I quickly realized that I needed a job to pay rent […], so I ended up working at a factory that painted hand-painted fabric. Then I started my own business. I did that for several years.”
At a young age, people showed interest. In fact, a girlfriend’s family began collecting early, owning pieces of her jewelry and some abstract paintings from the 70s. That girlfriend, Robbi Rotolin, would eventually become Executive Producer of Grace and Frankie. When they needed some legit art in Frankie’s studio, Robbi added Nancy’s work to the list of potential choices. Hers reflected the character the best.
“They rent a lot of my stuff. […] Frankie’s studio was modeled after my studio. […] I took a box and filled up 60 lbs. of my crap and sent it to them – a little stool, all these gourds, palettes and paint. I sent them the rags that I’d used to make paintings for them.”
How cool it must be to tune in to each episode and see your creative space recreated. And your artwork displayed!
I personally love Nancy’s work and have since bought one of her pieces. I hope to acquire more.
“I work from life. Everything I do starts from a real, live person, so I’m constantly inspired. I walk down the street inspired. It’s like the web in my life. It’s not like something that comes over me. It’s what I do every single day, so one thing leads to another and it leads to another.”
I asked if she’s trying to convey anything in particular through her work, or if it’s individual to the piece.
“I’m not out to make any big statements about anything. I’m just kind of walking through the world. I tend to draw from women – it’s just more interesting to me. It’s just kind of my walk through life. […] kind of how I see the world. […] And I don’t ever make up anybody. Any piece of art you see that I do is actually from a live person that I end up knowing quite a bit about.”
One of the best things she’s discovered through the Grace and Frankie gig is not only the opportunity for people to find her work, but also the rewarding role of inspiring others – and people of all age groups!
“I’m in encourager, so I can push people up the hill.”
Each interview that I do on my podcast, Girlfriend, We Need To Talk! provides me with something I know I need: a swift kick in the butt to do more. To follow the creative nagging inside my head that yearns to be fully expressed. Nancy’s interview was no exception.
“You just have to show up. […] Just go to your studio. If you get a little paralyzed, just walk in the studio and read a book, have lunch. Show up, be in that environment, and once you start, you draw an apple, and then you’re going to draw a table. One mark talks to another mark, and then you’ve got to make another mark to compensate for that mark, but the key is you have to show up. You can’t talk about it, think about it, you’ve got to do it. That’s my advice.”
Timely, indeed. I’ve been showing up to write everyday since. Oh, and I ordered some paint and a few canvases. Never having painted before, it’s anyone’s guess what I’ll produce.
“The point of making art,” added Nancy, “is that it feels good. At the end of the day, does it really matter what’s on the piece of paper? The journey matters.”
Gotcha, Nancy. I’ll be sure to remember that. And, thanks!
Missed Nancy’s interview? You can listen to it HERE. Also available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher Spotify, or wherever your favorite podcasts live.
“We all are so much stronger and braver than we realize.”
In the late 1970’s, at the age of 13, Madeleine Black was gang raped by two young men at knifepoint. Threatened with her life if she told anyone, she kept the secret of her trauma locked away in her psyche where it wreaked havoc for years.
“It silenced me for years, alongside my shame and my guilt and my fear.”
That silence, like it does for so many, took its toll, including an eating disorder, drug and alcohol abuse, admittance to a children’s psychiatric ward, and an attempt at suicide. She had completely shut down, likening the keeping of that secret and shame to holding a beach ball under the water. The pressure was immense, and eventually, as part of her healing and recovery, she decided to forgive.
“I didn‘t need them in front of me to tell me that they were sorry. It was a decision I could make quietly inside in […] my heart. But I’m not saying that in order to heal you have to forgive. This was my choice, and I’m not saying that I will ever forgive the act of rape, because I won’t, but forgiveness just brought me peace. It was my key to freedom.”
Madeleine’s journey to forgiveness did not happen overnight. It was a process of stripping back the trauma layer by layer over time. It took attention and intention. She had to keep at it. As one can imagine, this was not an easy story for her to share. Once she did, however, others began finding their way to forgiveness, as well.
As women, we have to remember that the bravery we show in sharing our stories gives others the bravery to do the same. It creates empowerment and fosters healing. Madeleine took a long time to find her voice and her words, but she now says that she’ll speak out about rape and shame and hope until her dying breath.
“We never know where it ripples out to […]. I do think that if we hear a story at the right time in our lives, it can just totally set us off on a healing journey, because I really believe if we can find our voice and speak our truth, then we start to stand in our power. We start to reclaim what was lost.”
So many are grateful for having heard Madeleine’s story, and now you can hear it, too. Someone helped her find her voice; perhaps her interview will help you find yours.
Maybe the time has come to release your beach ball. Maybe it’s time to forgive.
You can hear Madeleine’s inspiring interview by clicking HERE (also available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever your favorite podcasts live).
“The dream is a gift. […] We don’t have to force anything out of it, and wherever it leads us is where we’re supposed to be.”
Kat Edmonson knows what it is to dream. Many of the rest of us do, too, but her dream has become a reality and an inspiration to others. Her new CD, Dreamers Do, speaks to the unfolding of a dream, from its initial inception to its obsessive gnawing and never-ending pursuit.
I could go on and on about how brilliant her fifth CD is (and it is), but I’ll sum it all up by saying BUY IT! Dreamers Do has now made it to my top 10, and that isn’t an easy mark to hit. What I’ll elaborate on here, instead, are the endless insights I’ve gained from listening, both to the music and to her responses to my questions.
“I have something that I learned, specifically from the making of this record. […] I needed to make it to answer this question: Is it ever too late to dream?”
Jesus. Who among us hasn’t asked that existential question? I’ve found myself tortured by it more than once in the last few years, but Kat blessed me with just the right words of encouragement.
“Every time I returned to this question, […] and I got really quiet, I knew I had to keep going.”
But what if you’ve consistently kept going (and going and going and going), and you feel like you’ve been sold a bill of goods? She shared some wisdom on that, too.
“There’s a quiet power in merely having a dream […]. Expecting something specific out of the dream, by all means it’s great to have a goal and to go in that direction, but the dream is more powerful than the goal.”
Hmm. Oddly, I’ve heard the popular quote, “It’s not the destination; it’s the journey,” a million + times, but something in the way she laced her words together gave its meaning new wings. After all, Kat’s strength is in words – speaking, writing, singing, conveying sentiment – and she recognizes purpose in their interpretation.
“It’s a very adult decision that I’m doing this […]. I’m not here to ask permission, and maybe by doing this, everyone else will feel comfortable to be themselves, too.”
And there in lies purpose for us all. As we live our passions and stand up to fear, we can take solace in knowing that someone is watching. Someone, because of our actions, will brave their what-ifs and take their crucial step forward.
I feel like I’m always taking steps forward, but there are a few key areas in my life that have been left behind and won’t stop nagging. Kat Edmonson may have created a monster, because I’m about to step it up.
If you’re in need of a swift but gentle kick in the butt, you seriously won’t want to miss this interview. You might just find yourself stepping up, too.
Listen by clicking HERE.
Also available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever your favorite podcasts live.
Yes, that could be me! 🙂
By some random chance, Jonathan Senior, of Funky Thinkers, found me through LinkedIn. This connection has since led to some seriously funky fun! A few years ago, I taught a crash course on writing that was facilitated by Jonathan, and over the past several months, I’ve been competing on his interactive conversation show online called FunkQuest. I’m loving this!
Well, after 25 Funksters and 42 episodes, little old me has made it to the grand final round. The prize is the title, but how cool to add “Grand Champion Funkster” to a resume? I mean, really?!
The only way I can do it, however, is if enough people vote for moi, so you can help (yes, this is a shameless ask). Simply email “VOTING” to Leana@FunkyThinkers.com You will NOT get signed up for emails or put on any lists. It’s a one-time, super generous thing, and I’d love you for it.
You can watch the final competition by clicking this pic:
THANK YOU, FELLOW FUNKSTERS! And if you’d like to be on the show yourself, just send me a message, and I’ll hook you up.
Stay tuned for updates!