I am a serial declutterer (I may have just made up a word). Once every six months to a year, I rummage through closets to get rid of things – like that concert T-shirt that never got worn or the “Alright, I’ll admit my butt is that big” pair of jeans. The process can be cathartic, but before long – clutter overtakes me once again.

Recently my friend, Camille, began an intense decluttering exercise based on the KonMari method in this book. She’s been blogging about it (check out “Wake Up, Mama!“), and it sounded intriguing enough that I decided to  jump aboard and try it myself.

The author of the book, Marie Kondo, instructs readers to declutter by category instead of area in your home, beginning with clothing. She further advises taking all of your clothes, placing them in one big pile and ditching anything that doesn’t bring you joy. That’s right, joy. Even those items that you “kind of like” have to go. Real joy is all that can stay.

I can tell you that I was incredibly overwhelmed when I saw all of my clothes out of closets, drawers and dressers and in one gargantuan heap. Initially, flopping down on top of them, I silently cursed Camille (no offense, my friend) but eventually let out a long sigh and got to work.

The task went much easier then anticipated, but it still presented its challenges. I knew which things blatantly made my heart sing and which ones didn’t, but I waffled on several items that hit the “not so sure,” category.  That’s when I realized that if I’m having to question whether or not something brings me joy, it doesn’t.

It took two days to go through every piece of clothing I own, and I still have socks, tights and underwear to sort through this coming weekend. So far, however, I have accumulated ten large green garbage bags full of clothes and shoes that don’t bring me joy. TEN!

My initial reaction? ‘Why on earth did I ever buy, keep or wear items that didn’t bring me joy?’ I was then stunned to discover that the items that do bring me joy are the ones that I’ve been wearing the least. This shocking revelation made me downright sad. I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t been wearing them, but it had nothing to do with protecting them or saving them for special occasions. I can only theorize that I left them hanging in the name of conformity. Not to say that my joy garb is outlandish; that’s not the case at all. It’s actually feminine, expressive and happy, but maybe there’s been a little fear associated with letting my true self shine. Who knows?

I think we are all capable of SO much in our most authentic forms of expression, but that comes with entirely new versions of vulnerability. It’s easier to stay stuck in what’s safe, don’t you think?

I now LOVE my closet – truly. I can easily access what I want, and it’s full of only those things that make me truly happy. I am left with no choice but to wear my “joy garb” – that’s all there is to choose from, which really excites me.

Next step, according to the author, is to go through books. I’m bracing myself for that task, but I can already tell that it’s going to be a lot easier than previously anticipated. When I walk into my new and improved closet, I feel an overwhelming desire to have the rest of my apartment give me that same fabulous feeling. Just imagine – an entire living space full of joy!

I want it. I’m ready. Bring it on.

Stay tuned for updates . . .

 

 

I consider myself to be driven – around the bend most of the time, but nonetheless. I didn’t used to be, until I found something I have a passion for. Now I can’t stop, unless, of course, I’m forced to.

Last week productivity and creativity came to a standstill, and for good reason. I’ll no doubt write more about this at another time, but my lifelong best friend just had emergency surgery to repair a dissecting aortic aneurysm. It is said that the immediate mortality rate in aortic dissection is as high as 1% per hour over the first several hours, so when you combine the time that he hemmed and hawed about seeking help, and the time it took to diagnose and have him air lifted to a facility prepared to handle him, it’s a miracle the man’s alive – literally. And I’m extremely grateful he is.

I flew to Toronto to be with him and help out for a week. During that time nothing else mattered – just my friend. No regrets. I love the guy.

On my return, however, I got a serious case of the shoulds. As lethargic as a kitten with a belly full of milk (you can thank my grandmother for that one), I lay on the couch in my PJs for two full days binging on the latest hits from Netflix and Amazon Prime.

Initially I hated it, because Saturday consisted of self-berating thoughts like: “I should be writing.” “I should be working out.” “I should be researching.” “I should be doing laundry.” “I should be blogging!!” Trust me, the list goes on. <sigh> On Sunday I decided not to give a should anymore.

That’s the problem with being driven. It’s challenging at times to just let go and chill. I can set it all aside when a friend is in need, but I have a problem doing the same when I am. And I was definitely in need – of both physical and emotional rest.

Sometimes we’ve got to give ourselves permission not to give a should. Trying to force productivity when we’re exhausted and vulnerable creates nothing more than frustration and self-doubt.

Letting the sails down and just floating can be the best medicine during stressful times in our lives. Shit’s always going to happen. When it does, find a comfy couch, grab the remote and stop shoulding on yourself.

Capital One asks, “What’s in your wallet?”

I ask, “Who’s in your contacts?”

Am I talking about your string of friends on Facebook? No. I’m talking about who you’re really in touch with.

I have a handful of people that I reach out to via text or phone call on any given week. I’m not including my mechanic, chiropractor or tailor here. I’m talking about people who I communicate with by choice, not necessity.

I’ve recently added a couple of phenomenal people to my list who push me outside of my comfort zone and challenge me to be my absolute best. They continually inspire, and I aspire to reciprocate.

Think about that statement. How true!

If you’re hanging out with two people who are extremely negative, you’ll be the third. If you’re hanging out with just one person who is passionately pushing toward their dream, you’ll be unstoppable.

My social networks have morphed over the years as I’ve become more confident in myself. I no longer seek people to simply party or “hang” with. Instead I seek authenticity and drive, which, once found, I can’t help but reflect in my own behavior.

If you’re surrounded by mediocre at best, you’ll be mediocre and not your best.

It’s that simple.

Stay tuned for more on this topic in future posts . . .

 

 

 

 

 

I had a great dinner last night with two women that I haven’t seen in a year. We hadn’t spoken in that time period, either. Did it matter? No, and that, to me, is the true definition of friendship. They agreed. We discussed it at length.

There may be a few people in my life for whom I present a challenge -primarily due to my love affair with solitude and fierce protection of “creative time.” A handful of my nearest and dearest, however, completely understand my penchant for space, and we raise our glasses high when “we time” manages to present itself.

My fabulous friend, Jan (aka Jamice), in this picture is a prime example. One of my all-time besties, we rarely converse or see each other, and yet we can pick up right where we left off when our paths reconnect. It’s also important to note that each of us would drop what we’re doing to help the other in a heartbeat. That’s a given.

I am extremely blessed to have a number of relationships like this in my life. I believe it’s due to a perfect balance of busy and fulfilling lives mixed with strong mutual respect.

Think about the people in your life. Do any of your friendships feel conditional? Or worse, yet, do you find yourself expecting specific behaviors from your friends and constantly becoming disappointed, because they don’t live up to your standards? I’ll admit to having fallen into the latter a few times – even recently – but when I remind myself that my life is richer by letting go of expectations and embracing individual uniqueness, my frustrations melt into warm affection.

Friendship is a promise

Made in the heart

Unbreakable by distance

Unchangeable by time

Genuine thanks to my handful of soul brothers and sisters who give me my space and occasionally share a bit of their wonderful selves when mutual time allows. You know who you are, and you know that I love you – something we’ve proven that time and/or distance can never alter. xo

 

 

 

 

I love when things come full circle, and getting this new and improved website is just one of those things. Here’s why:

Many years ago (and I won’t say how many), when I was in Mr. Toppings art class in high school, we were asked to design something – anything – as long as it was original and creative. Being a hippie chick back in the day, I naturally designed something that involved a flower, and I loved it. It spoke to me. I was seventeen.

Now, I do not profess to be an artist. I can write books and songs, and I can sing and make vision boards, but I mean visually artistic. Stickmen I’m good at, but that’s about it, so my little flower made me a happy girl. I apparently tucked that picture away in a trunk, which is where I found it just a few years ago. I smiled.

While I was finding new ways of expressing myself in art class, Nick Brindisi was learning the fine art of drafting across the hall. Many years later – actually in the last few – Nick and I reconnected on Facebook, and I’ve since shared a drink, a snowshoe, and a laugh with him and his lovely wife, Susan.

The full circle thing went something like this:

“I need my website revamped in a big way,” I said.

“Really? That’s what I do for a living,” replied Nick.

Result? This brand spankin’ new expression of me – with my funky high school flower as my logo! When I saw it, I smiled – and then some.

Nick rocks. He was able to pull together all of the elements I wanted on this site, while managing to express exactly who I am.

I’m SO grateful and excited to be unveiling the results. Here’s a snapshot of the old one for comparison:

 

 

 

 

Thanks again, Nick. You’re amazing!

And here’s Nick’s site for those who may want to learn more about an extremely patient, efficient, positive and talented friend of mine: http://nakbdesign.ca/

And folks, all of my blog posts will be through this site from now on, as well, so check out the “Subscribe” tab if you want to receive regular updates.

Cheers!

I’ve learned a lot of very valuable lessons from my parents over the years, but I have to say that one of the best social lessons I’ve learned from them is to never discuss politics or religion. Unless I’m wrong, few people that I’m close to actually know what my leanings are in either department. And that, my friends, is on purpose. I tend to smile and nod a lot, which could be construed as any number of opinions, but I rarely go into detail about how I feel.

Here’s my point: there’s no point! No point in arguing your point, because arguing just creates animosity and alienation.

Can you name one person that you know who has changed their political opinion or religion based on a Saturday night argument? I highly doubt it. Or altered their vote because of your bumper sticker? Not likely.

I’m a middle aged woman now, and I can honestly say that I had no idea how either of my parents voted until recent years. I often suspected that they preferred different camps, but I was never sure. My God, what a great gift that was. I say “was,” because I now know how my dad votes, but I’m not impressionable anymore, and I could care less (no offense, Dad).

Friendships and relationships should be based on a myriad of factors, but not religion or politics alone. Looking past someone’s view of social issues, and seeing them for who they really are, is the absolute ideal, and I’ll be forever grateful to my parents for raising me to have a mind of my own and to respect every party and walk of life.

My friends are Republicans. My friends are Democrats. My friends in Canada are moreProgressive Conservatives and Liberals. My friends are straight, gay, lesbian and bi. They’re black, white, and several combos of each. My friends prefer dogs. My friends prefer cats. They’re catholics, protestants, buddhists and atheists, and I love every one of them as much as the other.

Friendships (and this is one opinion that I’m more than willing to share) should be based on souls, not poles.

I’ll also share this: The only thing I have zero tolerance for is zero tolerance. It’s true that I haven’t been an American my entire life. Hell, I’ve only been one for a few years, but I am American, and unless I’m completely mistaken, the epitome of being an American is embracing the rights of others to be who they want to be.

Now THAT I’ll pledge allegiance to.

And let’s not lose our sense of humor about politics and religion. I know they’re intense issues, but if we can’t laugh at ourselves and our differences, we’re nothing short of doomed.

Again, thanks Mom and Dad. You are absolutely the best. I love you, and that’s one opinion I’ll never hesitate to share. xo

First off . . . are we really heading into 2015?!? How did that happen? Yowza.

I think New Years Eve is my favorite night of the year, and New Year’s Day my favorite day. Why? Because they incorporate two of my favorite activities: reflecting on blessings and preparing to receive more.

I also read recently that resolutions can improve our lives, so there’s another bonus to the whole transition thing; however, concentrating on outcomes vs. processes has been speculated to be the best way of not accomplishing those goals. For example, instead of “I’m going to lose 15 lbs,” it’s better to say, “I’m going to start going to the gym four times a week.”

Our approach to life essentially works in the same way. If it’s all about the outcome, the task at hand can become too daunting. Take writing, for example. If I set out at the beginning of a novel thinking, “I’m going to write a book,” it’s far more overwhelming than, “I’m going to write 500 words a day,” or “I’m going to create two chapters a week.” Little bits eventually accumulate into one great big one.

Consider each year to be a chapter. Let’s think about the things we’d like to see happen over the next 12 months and write a little bit each day toward them. And by “write,” I mean taking some form of process oriented action that moves us forward.

We can’t let the big picture keep us from using our cameras!

Besides, concentrating on outcomes can be limiting. Be open to new potential directions and let the results fall where they may.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y’ALL! May each of us move through our next chapter with an ample supply of creativity and health.

xo

I lived in Canada at this time last year and was able to drive “home” for Christmas. A seven hour drive, mind you, but able to drive nonetheless. Peaceful and breathtakingly beautiful, I marveled at the sun shining down on snow laden evergreens, making each limb glisten and practically wave at me as I passed by. I arrived just as the sun made its slow decent in the western sky and Bing Crosby launched into my favorite song of the season.

What’s the practical thing to do at that moment? Well, set your iPad up on your dash and record the event, naturally.

Sharing my 2013 arrival home (ignore the rolling stop and occasional speeding, but note Timmie’s on the right, Canada).

Wishing each one of you a joyous and gratitude filled Christmas.

See you in the new year, my friends!!

CLICK HERE TO VIEW VIDEO

Here we are. That time of year again. Time to figure out what to give everyone on our Christmas lists. The masters of marketing are ramping up their efforts to bombard us with the latest toys, gadgets and extravagances. I actually saw a Lamborghini in a showroom window with a bow on it just last week. Really.

I love giving. There are few feelings quite so gratifying as getting just the right thing for just the right person. It’s joyful and far better than receiving. I often wish that I could give something to humanity as a whole.

Well, here’s a thought: Maybe I can, and maybe you can, too.

Are you aware of the fact that the greatest gifts any of us have ever been given are our talents? That each one of us, whether we’ve identified them or not, were given some unique ability that is just ours and no one else’s? It’s true, and it’s a damned shame if we don’t try and regift it at every opportunity.

You may have a talent that you’re fully aware of but afraid to share – that one thing that comes easily to you and brings you joy. Know that sharing it will also bring joy to others and make floating around on this blue and green orb all worthwhile. And, like a lot of bullies, fear will back down if you confront it, anyway. It’s secretly wimpy that way.

Regift your talents and abilities this holiday season. If you want to put a bow on your head while you do it, I say, CHEERS!!

Merry Christmas, everyone, and may 2015 see you expressing the truest version of yourself.